Healing Place Church – Serve and Grow

August 9, 2019

A Call to Adventure In Jesus

When I began this quest, I first answered a call from the Holy Spirit. Seeing my life in turmoil unexplained only added to the angst. In reflection, I had everything I wanted, yet, why was I restless and on edge? After a time of several months I distilled what I really wanted out of my life. It was a sense of well-being. And I put it specifically that way, well-being, as I wanted relief from not being comfortable in my own skin and in my own circumstances. Really, I had everything I wanted so the unexplained part of the equation was why was I so unhappy?

After a time of bible reading, prayer, meditation, conscious connected breathing, integrating past hurts into the present and listening to Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction videos I came up with well-being as what I was looking for. But I also noticed I was treading down parallel roads with God and the Bible on one side and Law of Attraction secularism on the other. I knew I could not sustain such a dichotomy of ideas and way of life for much longer. What I saw for the first time in prayer was an answer to a Biblical promise. The first of many biblical promises that are kept by God! (Promises Made Promises Kept, July 26 Blog post) Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. I saw the Law of Attraction types really are talking about all the concepts as outlined in the Bible. They are purposely leaving out God so as not to put skeptics and non-believers off. But it was the Holy Spirit who called me, and it was the Bible that led me, and it was the sermons at Healing Place Church that inspired me so much I declared it was God I was to follow! None other than God, His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit are the source people clamor for yet, are too afraid to call it by its true name. I call it Jesus. Most of it I don’t understand yet I still call it Jesus. My life took a radical turn for the better when I made a decision. The decision was to Get Off the Fence about God and claim it as my own. Claim it, pursue it, live it and revel in His love! There is nothing short of transformation and renewal in the wake of making that decision and commitment. Best decision I EVER made!

But I digress.

When I found myself in a prevailing grouchy, irritable, impatient and quick triggered disposition I thought to myself what is it I really want? My hobbies, work relationships, my relationship with my wife suddenly, it seemed, were not fun, satisfying, fulfilling or meaningful. I coined it as wanting a sense of well-being and I began to search for what that might mean and look like. I should have kept it at meaning and fulfillment as to what I was really looking for. Well-being is nice enough and ok yet that is not ultimately what I want. Happiness is certainly not what I am after as it is a certain dead end. How could I possibly overcome or face a challenge if I only wanted to remain happy? It isn’t possible nor should it be an end game to pursue. I think happiness comes and goes but what happens when it is gone? Then where would I be? What would become of me then if I am not happy?

In reflecting on well-being, I see it as desiring a degree of comfort and a degree of competence, but it is the comfort part of that duality that bothers me. I see comfort as something I have sought all my life and I see I have gone after it at all costs! Perhaps there was a time that comfort served its purpose, not that I want to be uncomfortable, but there come times when comfort as the end game becomes destructive and weak and soul crushing. Which is what brings me to grouchy, irritable and restless. If not caught in the beginning stages it would not be beyond me, left unchecked, to burn everything and everyone to the ground. Ask me how I know.

Years ago, I sought comfort in scrambling for security and stability when losing a business and marriage while providing for raising three young children. Comfort is good when under all that turmoil but now that the kids are grown and out of the house pursuing that comfort becomes a crutch that is unsatisfying and distasteful. I don’t wear that well. It morphed me into a weak, powerless, directionless pinball caroming this way and that. (John 3:8 NIV) Not a position of certainty nor one of clarity and purpose but one spent reacting to circumstances while bouncing around from one thing to the next. Get a grip!

If there is no course to point toward or no goal to aim at then comfort becomes a dead-end crutch that is …..wait for it……meaningless. If sin is to miss the mark, then what is it when I am not even aiming at anything at all? Doomed to be upended by some tragedy that is sure to come. Comfort is just a big sigh when faced with all the possibilities of another day. William Blake was talking about the pitfalls of comfort when he wrote; “Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. And being restrained it does by degrees become passive until at last it is nothing but a shadow of a desire”. (The Marriage of Heaven and Hell)

I began to see comfort and my comfortable life as worshipping an idol for it is put before everything else. Including dreams, passions and desires that are put at risk to being shelved by the allure of comfort. How pervasive and innocuous comfort is. For it lulled me to sleep and before you know it life has passed me by. I woke up when alerted to my grouchiness. I became afraid I was going to repeat past mistakes because I knew what they looked and felt like. Over the years then I see I did not change gears nor my perspective and awareness. I hadn’t moved my role from provider and stabilizer to a new role as my circumstances changed. When failing to fully step into a new role the actions that worked before just become bad habits because they no longer fit. If circumstances demand a new role what becomes of the man who does not accept, embrace or step into a new role?

When the Holy Spirit told me, “don’t say no” to an invitation to attend a Bible study little did I know how my life would change in such a meaningful and drastic manner. Today, in day 25 of a 30-day quest to find out what it means to live for God I see Jesus asking me to step into my power by using the spiritual gifts He has so graciously given. The gifts are to give power, meaning and action to change as the roles in life change. Nothing stays the same. New circumstances, new role and a new life is required that has Jesus as the number one! I need to step out of my own way and offer my life to Jesus as He is the giver, provider and advocate who works on my behalf. I defer to Him as creator, savior, redeemer and friend in all seriousness as the game changer in my perspective and awareness. By giving it all to Him gives meaning suddenly to who I am, who I want to be and who I want to become. Freedom really is what He brings as I am no longer a captive to my own limitations.

Have you seen those Chinese Tomb Guardians
Left at the closed door?
They stand with one knee raised and they,
Half stand, half dance, half rage.
They are hot tempered muscle bulgers,
Big knee’d brow bulgers,
And they stand for eternity at the half risen.
What do you have that can get past them?
Chinese Tomb Guardians, a poem by Robert Bly (excerpt)

July 26, 2019

Promises Made Promises Kept

There are many promises outlined in the bible. Promises such as, “seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened” (Luke 11:9 NIV), “if God is for us who can be against us”(Romans 8:31 NIV), “nothing can separate us from the love of God”(Romans 8:39 NIV), “worry about nothing but everything in prayer….the peace of the Lord will guard your hearts” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV),and so many more. Jesus himself promised to “send an advocate who will act on our behalf” (John 14:16 NIV) who will give us power live inside us and make us remember everything Jesus said. In my experience I have found that these promises are true. They are also promises kept and freely given to anyone willing to listen and willing to take responsibility for letting these promises manifest themselves in your life. It has been two plus years since I said yes to the Holy Spirit. A little more than one year since I said yes to Jesus.

My life is better. I make better choices and better decisions. I am wiser. I ask for help in prayer and my life is transformed! My marriage is the absolute best it has ever been, and it is no fluke! My marriage has depth of vulnerability, a deep intimacy, character, cooperation, responsibility, truth and a deepening love. My marriage is not going to wither away. My work is better, my thoughts are better, my perceptions and my reality are better. And what’s more, none of this is going to wither away. This great fortune is no fluke!

Now you could say that I, me personally I, am taking charge and doing the things necessary to improve my life its outlook and its outcome. That it is I who is doing all the necessary things to become successful. But wait a minute. I am 64 years old. So now suddenly I can get it together… NOW? I can pull off being responsible, humble, grateful, willing now suddenly I can do that? Or is it something much much more? Is it the Holy Spirit who intervened and told me, “Don’t Say No?” Is it the Holy Spirit who opened the door to a life with Jesus as God, King, Savior, Friend, Redeemer?

I don’t for a moment think I could suddenly have done all this! This is nothing short of a supernatural effort to suddenly make me competent, confident and more powerful! To overcome huge obstacles of limiting thought and behavior and I am to think that suddenly I can do all that? I, me can now walk in my true purpose when I hadn’t a clue as to what that was?

I know it is not me and I know He called. I know He chose me as I heard it, felt it and knew it when it happened. I see my life play out over and over with meaning and fulfillment. I see the Bible as the living word of God. I see prayers answered, definitively. I see the absolute power in waiting, watching, listening and obeying something higher and greater. What’s more is I see gratitude, a deep deep gratitude as the fuel for the fire within me. Spiritual disciplines emerging as a daily ritual from the ashes of my prior life to empower me and guide me. As an advocate who works on my behalf! Another promise kept!

If these promises are kept and if this is my experience so far in walking with Jesus, then the other promises outlined in the bible, the ones I don’t fully grasp or understand will be kept. I just need to ask Him for understanding or for an answer and then wait. He has been unfolding His plan in His mercy and love as I go. He has never let me down even through some tough financial setbacks that have plagued me recently. In fact, the adversity has drawn my wife and I closer together as we “get our hands back on the wheel” financially. Never would that have been possible before! My responsibility is to be ready to go! Everyday I prepare myself for the task! And every day He is there for me!

Received this text from a dear friend today……

“That Holy Spirit is a sneaky one, drawing itself out of men that don’t even know it is inside.”

Let the adventure continue!

July 25, 2019

Weak Without His Spirit

How weak I was without His Spirit.

Over the last couple of years, I have developed a solid routine that includes daily prayer, bible meditation and reading the bible. I also attend a weekly men’s small group, attend Church and serve as a volunteer to an inner-city youth mentor program called Empower 225. Daily means I do those things 7 days a week. Weekly means I make room for those events around my full-time job. There are also things I do monthly like lead a discussion table for Healing Place Church men’s program. I show up and serve daily, weekly and monthly. Having these Spiritual Disciplines in place has been a game changer for me. I believe that acting in disciplines that work FOR me has led me closer to God and developing a better relationship with Him. I have improved understanding of how God works in my life, the lives of those around me and His presence in the world. My life has improved dramatically over the last couple of years so much so that I no longer recognize myself! I do not think the things I used to nor do I behave the way I used to. To say that my mind has been renewed…. just like God promises….is truly astounding and amazing to me. Never have I had such a sense of encouragement, accomplishment, clarity and purpose. This comes with an increasing personal power that comes directly from His spirit…. the advocate who works on our behalf. I see His work unfold in me right before my eyes and I do my best to be thankful, thoughtful and wonder what He will do next. I feel like I am being led, encouraged, empowered and pointed in the right direction.

How weak I was without His Spirit.

As I write this blog, I am in day 20 of a 30-day quest to “live my life for God.” I will write about this in detail later, but the reason is for me to grapple with finding out what living my life for Jesus really is about. As I work through the month I see how much of things from the past creep into my daily thought. These are seemingly random thoughts about things I haven’t thought about in years and all of them negative and cringe worthy. It seems to me that the past is trying to invade my mind by deliberately trying to trip me up. It feels like these thoughts are attempting to get me to react and do something foolish without thinking. With certain regret to follow. It also feels like the past would want me to cower in shame at thinking such thoughts. With denial, lying, hiding and wearing a mask to counter such thoughts. And it feels like the past wants to overwhelm me in some way with thoughts of how could I have done such things? Feelings of poor self-worth are sure to follow that path down into inaction and withdrawal. I do not believe that these thoughts are random nor with out purpose. Clearly, I see they are deliberate attempts to take me out along a pathway of thought and reaction that is no longer operational. If it worked before surely, they will work again is true enough, but I am not the same person I was before coming to know Jesus.

How weak I was without His Spirit

The past wants me to shrink from the world and be weak and miserable in that weakness. Resentment building as I get further away from who I really am and attempting to cover it up with lying, denying and deceit. Unchecked the reaction would boil over into inappropriate words, actions, anger and putting others down. Blaming others for my wrongdoing. How could I ever feel anyone was on my side if I was always so weak and low and ready to defend myself from attack? A reactionary defense that is unscripted, unrehearsed, undisciplined and reckless designed to burn it all to the ground…. all or nothing behavior.

How weak I was without His Spirit.

His Spirit has restored power to me. Proper, measured, disciplined with a council that is inclusive with His spirit by my side. Literally living inside of me I am not alone. I confer with His spirit in prayer for taking proper action and having proper thoughts. I ask for guidance from His Spirit. I ask for signs and confirmation as I strive to listen and obey His Spirit. I hesitate properly and I act properly. At least that is my goal. His Spirit has restored me and is restoring me for His purpose. I am to shine the light onto others, raise them up and disciple them to do the same for others. Look at this there is clarity and purpose!

In my journey I am to inspire and motivate others to actively seek the living spirit of God in order to experience His grace, love and mercy and to act and think appropriately with new life. There is no going back. Once the grace of God is experienced, lived and acknowledged my only hope for success to live a life of meaning and fulfillment is to submit and obey His will. He will open a path. He will provide everything you and I need to succeed.

Am I on the right path? Today I know the answer. I know because He is an advocate for me not against me and He fills me with His power to go and His peace to know.

May 11, 2019May 11, 2019

Woe is Me | Letters to Kenya

Letters to Kenya is a series of writings designed in preparation for my upcoming Mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. On a message of love and hope each letter is a story or a sermon perhaps bringing the Word of God to an audience of 25,000 primary and secondary age schoolchildren. Perhaps the Lord will guide me to deliver a message of inspiration.

I went to school for many years. I read lots of books. I read about success, relationships, finances, leadership, management, speaking, writing, how to fix things, travel, biography, poetry, history. All sorts of things. I read them for interest, for entertainment, to learn but really to make me better. To expand my knowledge and to help make me a better dad, husband, leader, speaker, writer, thinker, problem solver, serving the community. Whatever it may be. Fixing the car or the plumbing. I also go to seminars, conferences, retreats for the same reasons….to be better. In other words, to become more competent.

Competence is important to us. We want to be better at what we do. We want to be the expert, the star attraction, the person people come to give advice or to solve their problems. Success has many definitions, but it certainly includes creating, being in demand, putting yourself out there and cashing all the checks! At least it is what we are led or taught to believe. Going to school, reading or going to seminars isn’t that paying the price now in order to reap the benefits later?

I have had a good measure of successes along the way but also failures too. Ups and downs, wins and losses, mistakes and windfalls but my biggest mistake was that I thought I was doing it all. I thought I had the power to be better and that it was a combination of me not knowing something, me not understanding something, my self-doubt, my fear, my self sabotage that led to failure and setbacks. That luck and fate played its hand in direct proportion to my competence. What a delicate balance lies between success and failure. Consequently, I was better and successful when I applied myself, worked harder and doubled down on what I knew to be true and the course of action to be taken. But there was always something missing.

My mistake is that I thought it was about me. That concept comes about from the culture I am raised in and is a concept that is pervasive in many parts of the developed world including Kenya. All of us as individuals are all about ourselves. We are full of ourselves. Collectively we are crowded together as an island of ones…. each to his own as the hippie adage goes. America as a country is divided by the concept of an ever growing and powerful me. We are a country divided by identity with the self. Identity politics, identity economics, identity philosophy that is rooted in a fractured life. Anger, violence, intolerance, chaos, hurt feelings, revenge, tyranny and rage about it all. Each of us living near the next and being alienated and desperately alone. Why? It was not like that always.

I suffered like many suffer from too much me. Its all about me. Or it is all about you, or you, or you or you…and the there is no room for Him. There is no room for God. No room for another. Me is idolatry. Me is a division of the spirit. Me is the darkness that lurks so close by. Of all the books I’ve read there was one book I never read ever. Never picked it up to even thumb through it. That book is the bible.

When I finally picked it up and began to read it like a regular book I was amazed at its richness and its mystery for while I didn’t understand it the narrative was engaging and compelling. I was shocked. There are unforgettable stories I read that were impossible to understand. How intriguing indeed. In reading the bible and talking about it in a bible study I began to see doors of perception open. Understanding began to creep in as I read other translations and studied bible meanings verse by verse. Doors opened, ah-ha moments of awareness experienced and miracle of miracles I began to witness scripture answer my prayers, give me direction and guide my actions. Truly the bible is the living word of God!

Experiencing the supernatural only opens the door to more supernatural which is the experience of God in our lives. I never would have been able to experience a relationship with God if I didn’t obey His Holy Spirit and say yes to bible study, serving, giving thanks, praying and pressing forward in desperate times of doubt and misunderstanding. It is not that I do not understand but that many times I mis-understand Gods will.

Perhaps the greatest gift (of many gifts given) is that this time I am not alone with me. It is not about me. It is about God first, then I follow. This path has led me here to speak to you about the wonders, importance and workings of God in His world with us. It is not our world….it is His. He will lead us through and bring us together with Him to overcome the disease of me. We are to give thanks and praise to Him who provides it all for us. I have His peace; I have His power and I have His leadership and now faithfully bring His word to you as He has directed me.

May 10, 2019May 11, 2019

From Darkness to Light | Letters to Kenya

Thank you for having us and welcoming us to your school and to Kenya. You have a beautiful country and you are all such beautiful people. Your beauty is not only outward but is inward as well. You have heart and you have a spirit that is alive and thriving here. God is alive and well and working in Kenya! I know this because I have seen it with my own eyes on my trip here last year. For you are not only the future of Kenya but the future of the whole world. The entire world needs you.

I come from America. A country that is rich beyond imagination even for me sometimes. But that wealth is only a physical wealth. It only takes care of what is on the outside and does an inadequate job in and of itself for we have many problems in America. Crime, addiction, corruption, fractured identity, disparity to name a few. That wealth left to its own devises grows complacent and weak particularly when problems reach epic proportions and allows doubt and fear to creep in and take hold. Fear will grab you and choke you until your spirit is nothing but a whimper…. a flame gone out. My country right now is a land divided, choking itself with increasing godlessness and self-absorption.

Darkness lurks in my country. Even Jesus said that it is so difficult for the rich to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Darkness creeps in when people think it is by their power only who gives them life. I have come all this way, 12,000 miles or more, by the grace of God and directed by His Holy Spirit to tell you you have light and you have spirit and that you have the God given and God guided ability to turn back darkness. And therefore, the world needs you! For you can bring light not only in your own life, but for your family, for your school, for your city, for your politics, for your leadership, for your country and indeed for the entire world. You have God’s grace with light for the world.

So, I ask you to take care of your light. Pray for it, ask God how you can take care of it and ask God how you are to use it-for God has a plan for you and ask God to always let it shine. Give Him thanks for your light and He will light the way.