Tag: Holy Spirit

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A Call to Adventure In Jesus

When I began this quest, I first answered a call from the Holy Spirit. Seeing my life in turmoil unexplained only added to the angst. In reflection, I had everything I wanted, yet, why was I restless and on edge? After a time of several months I distilled what I really wanted out of my life. It was a sense of well-being. And I put it specifically that way, well-being, as I wanted relief from not being comfortable in my own skin and in my own circumstances. Really, I had everything I wanted so the unexplained part of the equation was why was I so unhappy?

After a time of bible reading, prayer, meditation, conscious connected breathing, integrating past hurts into the present and listening to Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction videos I came up with well-being as what I was looking for. But I also noticed I was treading down parallel roads with God and the Bible on one side and Law of Attraction secularism on the other. I knew I could not sustain such a dichotomy of ideas and way of life for much longer. What I saw for the first time in prayer was an answer to a Biblical promise. The first of many biblical promises that are kept by God! (Promises Made Promises Kept, July 26 Blog post) Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. I saw the Law of Attraction types really are talking about all the concepts as outlined in the Bible. They are purposely leaving out God so as not to put skeptics and non-believers off. But it was the Holy Spirit who called me, and it was the Bible that led me, and it was the sermons at Healing Place Church that inspired me so much I declared it was God I was to follow! None other than God, His Son Jesus and His Holy Spirit are the source people clamor for yet, are too afraid to call it by its true name. I call it Jesus. Most of it I don’t understand yet I still call it Jesus. My life took a radical turn for the better when I made a decision. The decision was to Get Off the Fence about God and claim it as my own. Claim it, pursue it, live it and revel in His love! There is nothing short of transformation and renewal in the wake of making that decision and commitment. Best decision I EVER made!

But I digress.

When I found myself in a prevailing grouchy, irritable, impatient and quick triggered disposition I thought to myself what is it I really want? My hobbies, work relationships, my relationship with my wife suddenly, it seemed, were not fun, satisfying, fulfilling or meaningful. I coined it as wanting a sense of well-being and I began to search for what that might mean and look like. I should have kept it at meaning and fulfillment as to what I was really looking for. Well-being is nice enough and ok yet that is not ultimately what I want. Happiness is certainly not what I am after as it is a certain dead end. How could I possibly overcome or face a challenge if I only wanted to remain happy? It isn’t possible nor should it be an end game to pursue. I think happiness comes and goes but what happens when it is gone? Then where would I be? What would become of me then if I am not happy?  

In reflecting on well-being, I see it as desiring a degree of comfort and a degree of competence, but it is the comfort part of that duality that bothers me. I see comfort as something I have sought all my life and I see I have gone after it at all costs! Perhaps there was a time that comfort served its purpose, not that I want to be uncomfortable, but there come times when comfort as the end game becomes destructive and weak and soul crushing. Which is what brings me to grouchy, irritable and restless. If not caught in the beginning stages it would not be beyond me, left unchecked, to burn everything and everyone to the ground. Ask me how I know.

Years ago, I sought comfort in scrambling for security and stability when losing a business and marriage while providing for raising three young children. Comfort is good when under all that turmoil but now that the kids are grown and out of the house pursuing that comfort becomes a crutch that is unsatisfying and distasteful. I don’t wear that well. It morphed me into a weak, powerless, directionless pinball caroming this way and that. (John 3:8 NIV) Not a position of certainty nor one of clarity and purpose but one spent reacting to circumstances while bouncing around from one thing to the next. Get a grip!

If there is no course to point toward or no goal to aim at then comfort becomes a dead-end crutch that is …..wait for it……meaningless. If sin is to miss the mark, then what is it when I am not even aiming at anything at all?  Doomed to be upended by some tragedy that is sure to come.  Comfort is just a big sigh when faced with all the possibilities of another day. William Blake was talking about the pitfalls of comfort when he wrote; “Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained. And being restrained it does by degrees become passive until at last it is nothing but a shadow of a desire”. (The Marriage of Heaven and Hell)

I began to see comfort and my comfortable life as worshipping an idol for it is put before everything else. Including dreams, passions and desires that are put at risk to being shelved by the allure of comfort. How pervasive and innocuous comfort is. For it lulled me to sleep and before you know it life has passed me by. I woke up when alerted to my grouchiness. I became afraid I was going to repeat past mistakes because I knew what they looked and felt like. Over the years then I see I did not change gears nor my perspective and awareness. I hadn’t moved my role from provider and stabilizer to a new role as my circumstances changed.  When failing to fully step into a new role the actions that worked before just become bad habits because they no longer fit. If circumstances demand a new role what becomes of the man who does not accept, embrace or step into a new role?

When the Holy Spirit told me, “don’t say no” to an invitation to attend a Bible study little did I know how my life would change in such a meaningful and drastic manner. Today, in day 25 of a 30-day quest to find out what it means to live for God I see Jesus asking me to step into my power by using the spiritual gifts He has so graciously given. The gifts are to give power, meaning and action to change as the roles in life change. Nothing stays the same. New circumstances, new role and a new life is required that has Jesus as the number one! I need to step out of my own way and offer my life to Jesus as He is the giver, provider and advocate who works on my behalf. I defer to Him as creator, savior, redeemer and friend in all seriousness as the game changer in my perspective and awareness. By giving it all to Him gives meaning suddenly to who I am, who I want to be and who I want to become. Freedom really is what He brings as I am no longer a captive to my own limitations. 

Have you seen those Chinese Tomb Guardians
Left at the closed door?
They stand with one knee raised and they,
Half stand, half dance, half rage.
They are hot tempered muscle bulgers,
Big knee’d brow bulgers,
And they stand for eternity at the half risen.
What do you have that can get past them?

Chinese Tomb Guardians, a poem by Robert Bly (excerpt)
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Promises Made Promises Kept

There are many promises outlined in the bible. Promises such as, “seek and you will find; knock and  the  door will be opened” (Luke 11:9 NIV), “if God is for us who can  be against us”(Romans 8:31 NIV), “nothing can separate us from the love of God”(Romans 8:39 NIV), “worry about nothing but everything in prayer….the peace of the Lord will guard your hearts” (Philippians 4:6-7 NIV),and so many more. Jesus himself promised to “send an advocate who will act on our behalf” (John 14:16 NIV) who will give us power live inside us and make us remember everything Jesus said.  In my experience I have found that these promises are true. They are also promises kept and freely given to anyone willing to listen and willing to take responsibility for letting these promises manifest themselves in your life.  It has been two plus years since I said yes to the Holy Spirit. A little more than one year since I said yes to Jesus.

My life is better. I make better choices and better decisions. I am wiser. I ask for help in prayer and my life is transformed! My marriage is the absolute best it has ever been, and it is no fluke! My marriage has depth of vulnerability, a deep intimacy, character, cooperation, responsibility, truth and a deepening love. My marriage is not going to wither away.  My work is better, my thoughts are better, my perceptions and my reality are better. And what’s more, none of this is going to wither away. This great fortune is no fluke!

Now you could say that I, me personally I, am taking charge and doing the things necessary to improve my life its outlook and its outcome. That it is I who is doing all the necessary things to become successful. But wait a minute. I am 64 years old. So now suddenly I can get it together… NOW? I can pull off being responsible, humble, grateful, willing now suddenly I can do that? Or is it something much much more?  Is it the Holy Spirit who intervened and told me, “Don’t Say No?” Is it the Holy Spirit who opened the door to a life with Jesus as God, King, Savior, Friend, Redeemer?

I don’t for a moment think I could suddenly have done all this! This is nothing short of a supernatural effort to suddenly make me competent, confident and more powerful! To overcome huge obstacles of limiting thought and behavior and I am to think that suddenly I can do all that? I, me can now walk in my true purpose when I hadn’t a clue as to what that was?

I know it is not me and I know He called. I know He chose me as I heard it, felt it and knew it when it happened. I see my life play out over and over with meaning and fulfillment. I see the Bible as the living word of God. I see prayers answered, definitively. I see the absolute power in waiting, watching, listening and obeying something higher and greater. What’s more is I see gratitude, a deep deep gratitude as the fuel for the fire within me. Spiritual disciplines emerging as a daily ritual from the ashes of my prior life to empower me and guide me. As an advocate who works on my behalf! Another promise kept!

If these promises are kept and if this is my experience so far in walking with Jesus, then the other promises outlined in the bible, the ones I don’t fully grasp or understand will be kept. I just need to ask Him for understanding or for an answer and then wait. He has been unfolding His plan in His mercy and love as I go. He has never let me down even through some tough financial setbacks that have plagued me recently. In fact, the adversity has drawn my wife and I closer together as we “get our hands back on the wheel” financially. Never would that have been possible before!  My responsibility is to be ready to go! Everyday I prepare myself for the task!  And every day He is there for me!

Received this text from a dear friend today……

“That Holy Spirit is a sneaky one, drawing itself out of men that don’t even know it is inside.”

Let the adventure continue!

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Woe is Me | Letters to Kenya

Letters to Kenya is a series of writings designed in preparation for my upcoming Mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. On a message of love and hope each letter is a story or a sermon perhaps bringing the Word of God to an audience of 25,000 primary and secondary age schoolchildren. Perhaps the Lord will guide me to deliver a message of inspiration.

I went to school for many years. I read lots of books. I read about success, relationships, finances, leadership, management, speaking, writing, how to fix things, travel, biography, poetry, history.  All sorts of things. I read them for interest, for entertainment, to learn but really to make me better. To expand my knowledge and to help make me a better dad, husband, leader, speaker, writer, thinker, problem solver, serving the community. Whatever it may be. Fixing the car or the plumbing.  I also go to seminars, conferences, retreats for the same reasons….to be better. In other words, to become more competent.

Competence is important to us. We want to be better at what we do. We want to be the expert, the star attraction, the person people come to give advice or to solve their problems.  Success has many definitions, but it certainly includes creating, being in demand, putting yourself out there and cashing all the checks!  At least it is what we are led or taught to believe. Going to school, reading or going to seminars isn’t that paying the price now in order to reap the benefits later?

I have had a good measure of successes along the way but also failures too. Ups and downs, wins and losses, mistakes and windfalls but my biggest mistake was that I thought I was doing it all. I thought I had the power to be better and that it was a combination of me not knowing something, me not understanding something, my self-doubt, my fear, my self sabotage that led to failure and setbacks.  That luck and fate played its hand in direct proportion to my competence. What a delicate balance lies between success and failure.  Consequently, I was better and successful when I applied myself, worked harder and doubled down on what I knew to be true and the course of action to be taken.  But there was always something missing.

My mistake is that I thought it was about me. That concept comes about from the culture I am raised in and is a concept that is pervasive in many parts of the developed world including Kenya. All of us as individuals are all about ourselves. We are full of ourselves.  Collectively we are crowded together as an island of ones…. each to his own as the hippie adage goes.  America as a country is divided by the concept of an ever growing and powerful me. We are a country divided by identity with the self. Identity politics, identity economics, identity philosophy that is rooted in a fractured life. Anger, violence, intolerance, chaos, hurt feelings, revenge, tyranny and rage about it all. Each of us living near the next and being alienated and desperately alone.  Why? It was not like that always.

I suffered like many suffer from too much me.  Its all about me. Or it is all about you, or you, or you or you…and the there is no room for Him. There is no room for God. No room for another. Me is idolatry. Me is a division of the spirit. Me is the darkness that lurks so close by. Of all the books I’ve read there was one book I never read ever. Never picked it up to even thumb through it. That book is the bible. 

When I finally picked it up and began to read it like a regular book I was amazed at its richness and its mystery for while I didn’t understand it the narrative was engaging and compelling. I was shocked.  There are unforgettable stories I read that were impossible to understand. How intriguing indeed.  In reading the bible and talking about it in a bible study I began to see doors of perception open. Understanding began to creep in as I read other translations and studied bible meanings verse by verse.  Doors opened, ah-ha moments of awareness experienced and miracle of miracles I began to witness scripture answer my prayers, give me direction and guide my actions. Truly the bible is the living word of God!

Experiencing the supernatural only opens the door to more supernatural which is the experience of God in our lives. I never would have been able to experience a relationship with God if I didn’t obey His Holy Spirit and say yes to bible study, serving, giving thanks, praying and pressing forward in desperate times of doubt and misunderstanding. It is not that I do not understand but that many times I mis-understand Gods will.

Perhaps the greatest gift (of many gifts given) is that this time I am not alone with me.  It is not about me. It is about God first, then I follow.  This path has led me here to speak to you about the wonders, importance and workings of God in His world with us. It is not our world….it is His. He will lead us through and bring us together with Him to overcome the disease of me. We are to give thanks and praise to Him who provides it all for us. I have His peace; I have His power and I have His leadership and now faithfully bring His word to you as He has directed me.

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From Darkness to Light | Letters to Kenya

Letters to Kenya is a series of writings designed in preparation for my upcoming Mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. On a message of love and hope each letter is a story or a sermon perhaps bringing the Word of God to an audience of 25,000 primary and secondary age schoolchildren. Perhaps the Lord will guide me to deliver a message of inspiration.

Thank you for having us and welcoming us to your school and to Kenya. You have a beautiful country and you are all such beautiful people. Your beauty is not only outward but is inward as well. You have heart and you have a spirit that is alive and thriving here. God is alive and well and working in Kenya! I know this because I have seen it with my own eyes on my trip here last year. For you are not only the future of Kenya but the future of the whole world. The entire world needs you.

I come from America. A country that is rich beyond imagination even for me sometimes. But that wealth is only a physical wealth. It only takes care of what is on the outside and does an inadequate job in and of itself for we have many problems in America. Crime, addiction, corruption, fractured identity, disparity to name a few. That wealth left to its own devises grows complacent and weak particularly when problems reach epic proportions and allows doubt and fear to creep in and take hold. Fear will grab you and choke you until your spirit is nothing but a whimper…. a flame gone out. My country right now is a land divided, choking itself with increasing godlessness and self-absorption.

Darkness lurks in my country. Even Jesus said that it is so difficult for the rich to enter the Kingdom of heaven.  Darkness creeps in when people think it is by their power only who gives them life.  I have come all  this way, 12,000 miles or more, by the grace of God and directed by His Holy Spirit to tell you you have light and you have spirit and that you have the God given and God guided ability to turn back darkness.  And therefore, the world needs you! For you can bring light not only in your own life, but for your family, for your school, for your city, for your politics, for your leadership, for your country and indeed for the entire world.  You have God’s grace with light for the world.

So, I ask you to take care of your light. Pray for it, ask God how you can take care of it and ask God how you are to use it-for God has a plan for you and ask God to always let it shine.  Give Him thanks for your light and He will light the way.

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The Living Word of God

Several times I have heard people refer to the Bible as “the Living Word of God.”  I wondered often what they were talking about and what does The Living Word really mean.  I asked myself what were they referring to and more importantly how can I come to experience and believe it as well?  For what I sought is a better understanding and knowing what the Living Word of God truly means.

Earlier in my journey I had concluded God speaks to me all the time only it is I who do not hear Him. No doubt a combination of not knowing how to listen, letting my internal noise drown out His words, preconceived ideas about how things work, self-worth and trust and just plain ignorance to name a few! I had no experience with the living word of God I could relate to. Until one day….

I had been in conflict for some weeks over finances which was triggered by two occurrences. The first was the realization that my emergency fund had dipped below my comfort level sending alarms into my psyche.  The second was tied to an email I received from our property manager stating the current tenants were moving out in 30 days.  This news sent me into a tailspin of woe for the maintenance and occupancy losses surely to come.  The emergency fund was below normal due to having $4,000 worth of dangerous trees removed from around our residence the prior month.  Money well spent mind you but the one/two punch of those events raised my money ire.  I was in conflict.

My reaction, rather instantly, was to pull back, stop all leaks of spending money, restore the fund and save for the worst to come.  Strange how quickly the mind goes into protection mode and even stranger still what protection looks like. I felt a sense of panic beginning to bubble underneath. Immediately I found myself asking questions like: do I continue to tithe to the church? Do I stop eating out? Do I stop all home and personal projects? Do I cancel all conferences and trips I would like to take? Do I go on two mission trips with the church this year? What exactly does it mean to put all trust in Jesus? Will I do the right things?

 Protection is a good thing mind you. Taking steps necessary to restore what is lost or steps to quell the damage are all good strategies when things turn to more desperate measures.  Only this was just a feeling and I was reacting to it. Nothing had really changed in my finances at this point for all I got was news which triggered something in me. It triggered lack, it triggered fear, it triggered finite and it triggered a desire to shut down.  Turn off all spending, reel it in, lick my wounds in order to recover for another day.  A scenario I have played out many times in my life and when all is said and done has yielded a level of comfort and degree of success. But it is not who I am any longer. For with fear comes isolation, desperation, closing off all people who could help me and retreating into distrust.

Old ways, particularly those triggered by circumstances I now see as suspect. They may have served something before, but they don’t serve me well any longer. It is an immaturity, and, after all, this is about renewal of the mind. My dilemma is this; if I shut down the money and myself it means I would not tithe to the church for a time, cancel the upcoming Mexico and Kenya mission trips and withdraw into my own head. Lone wolf syndrome typical of my past behavior.

On the other hand, I gave my word that I would honor my commitments.  Yet my conflict was more than just keeping my word. Make no mistake about it. Keeping my word is very important to me. It is a way I continue to serve; build character and the way I know I am obeying God’s will through the Holy Spirit.

For the Mexico trip I intended to pay out of pocket the $1100 necessary to travel and stay while working. This mission was to help tear down a couple of school classrooms ravaged by flood.  While the money was certainly on my radar, I sensed there was more to this than just money.  For one I felt ashamed I would be THAT guy who enthusiastically says he will serve on the trip but when it comes down to it finds a way out. I was worried what would people think of me and worse I felt like a weasel and yet, beside the money, the embarrassment potential and the character cost of not keeping my word there was something deeper to my “mission” to Mexico. This conflict played on my mind. So, I brought my concerns to my men’s group and I brought it up to my wife. (Just the fact I asked for help from anyone is proof enough I have grown in my journey.)  My wife’s suggestion was to pray for confirmation about going on the trip.  Now why didn’t I think of that? I had forgotten about praying for confirmation.

Confirmation is the idea that a seeming directive from God may or may not be what God really wants you to do. Confirmation is asking God—are you sure you want me to go? So, I prayed, and I asked, and I waited for the answer. I prayed many times. One week, two weeks, three weeks went by and I was no closer to certainty than before and remained in a state of conflict and unsettlement. Note this is not a good sign this is God directed! As I continued to pray, I noticed how my prayer for clarity began to change and become more focused. I was now asking the Holy Spirit if the source of my conflict was me avoiding what I really should be doing, that is, expressing God’s will for me. I asked the Holy Spirit if I was dodging something, I should be doing by going on this trip? I prayed and waited some more.

In the meantime, I had been given an assignment for an evening class I was taking at church to read Acts each week for 5 weeks. So, one night I sat down cracked open the Bible and began to read Acts. It was at Acts 6 I stopped for as I read the words the answer to my prayer became clear! The answer to my prayers revealed itself to me in the words of Peter and The Choosing of the Seven. When all the disciples were gathered Peter said, “brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility (to distribute food to the underserved poor women and orphans) over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.” (Acts 6:3-4 NIV)

The realization for me was Peter saw he needed others to help and do the physical work for widows and orphans while he, Peter, continued to preach the word of God.  Peter realized he couldn’t do both and so he enlisted the seven to carry on and lead the food program.  My answer came as an “ah-ha” moment where I could see people are called to serve in a variety of ways. For while last year my directive from God was to “show up and serve” the directive given to me this year is to “express the word” in my service.  I am directed to bring my experience and to bring the word of God in speaking and writing while I continue in service to Him. The service just looks a little different.  When I saw others being recruited to serve in a manner so Peter could continue to solidify his service in bringing the word of God, I was filled with an inner knowing. Namely, “you are not to pick up a hammer but are to bring the word of God.” Plain as the words I had just read I knew the true will of God for me has been revealed! God does not need me to go and tear down a school even though that is a real need which is meaningful, valuable and furthering God’s kingdom on earth. It is a job for others to do. Necessary but not for me.

Immediately I was flooded with a sense of relief and a calmness washed over me.  Which is how I know this is a directive from God.  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) This is how I know this directive is from God. There is power in action and there is power in certainty.  To me this is “proof” the bible is the living word of God.  I received my answer in such a profound way is no accident and no coincidence. As the door is opened to such experiences only opens the door for more to come.

I honor my directive to express God’s word in this writing which is to bring His word to a wider audience of believers and non-believers alike. More specifically, to those who are Sitting on The Fence About God. By deciding to seek God on a more meaningful and deeper level, to allow Him to work in your life and to allow the experience to grow into a fulfilling life in service with understanding, gratitude and blessing.  Whether you believe or not believe perhaps there is something you don’t know which gets in the way of opening the door. Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. Matthew7:7-8 (NIV)

The Core of Masculinity

The core of masculinity does not derive
from being male,
Nor friendliness from those who console.
Your old grandmother says, “Maybe you shouldn’t
go to school. You look a little pale.”
Run when you hear that.
A father’s stern slaps are better.
Your bodily soul wants comforting.
The severe father wants spiritual clarity.
He scolds but eventually
leads you into the open.
Pray for such an instructor
to hear and act and stay within you.
We have been busy accumulating solace.
Make us afraid of how we were.

a poem by Rumi
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