Several times I have heard people refer to the Bible as “the Living Word of God.” I wondered often what they were talking about and what does The Living Word really mean. I asked myself what were they referring to and more importantly how can I come to experience and believe it as well? For what I sought is a better understanding and knowing what the Living Word of God truly means.
Earlier in my journey I had concluded God speaks to me all the time only it is I who do not hear Him. No doubt a combination of not knowing how to listen, letting my internal noise drown out His words, preconceived ideas about how things work, self-worth and trust and just plain ignorance to name a few! I had no experience with the living word of God I could relate to. Until one day….
I had been in conflict for some weeks over finances which was triggered by two occurrences. The first was the realization that my emergency fund had dipped below my comfort level sending alarms into my psyche. The second was tied to an email I received from our property manager stating the current tenants were moving out in 30 days. This news sent me into a tailspin of woe for the maintenance and occupancy losses surely to come. The emergency fund was below normal due to having $4,000 worth of dangerous trees removed from around our residence the prior month. Money well spent mind you but the one/two punch of those events raised my money ire. I was in conflict.
My reaction, rather instantly, was to pull back, stop all leaks of spending money, restore the fund and save for the worst to come. Strange how quickly the mind goes into protection mode and even stranger still what protection looks like. I felt a sense of panic beginning to bubble underneath. Immediately I found myself asking questions like: do I continue to tithe to the church? Do I stop eating out? Do I stop all home and personal projects? Do I cancel all conferences and trips I would like to take? Do I go on two mission trips with the church this year? What exactly does it mean to put all trust in Jesus? Will I do the right things?
Protection is a good thing mind you. Taking steps necessary to restore what is lost or steps to quell the damage are all good strategies when things turn to more desperate measures. Only this was just a feeling and I was reacting to it. Nothing had really changed in my finances at this point for all I got was news which triggered something in me. It triggered lack, it triggered fear, it triggered finite and it triggered a desire to shut down. Turn off all spending, reel it in, lick my wounds in order to recover for another day. A scenario I have played out many times in my life and when all is said and done has yielded a level of comfort and degree of success. But it is not who I am any longer. For with fear comes isolation, desperation, closing off all people who could help me and retreating into distrust.
Old ways, particularly those triggered by circumstances I now see as suspect. They may have served something before, but they don’t serve me well any longer. It is an immaturity, and, after all, this is about renewal of the mind. My dilemma is this; if I shut down the money and myself it means I would not tithe to the church for a time, cancel the upcoming Mexico and Kenya mission trips and withdraw into my own head. Lone wolf syndrome typical of my past behavior.
On the other hand, I gave my word that I would honor my commitments. Yet my conflict was more than just keeping my word. Make no mistake about it. Keeping my word is very important to me. It is a way I continue to serve; build character and the way I know I am obeying God’s will through the Holy Spirit.
For the Mexico trip I intended to pay out of pocket the $1100 necessary to travel and stay while working. This mission was to help tear down a couple of school classrooms ravaged by flood. While the money was certainly on my radar, I sensed there was more to this than just money. For one I felt ashamed I would be THAT guy who enthusiastically says he will serve on the trip but when it comes down to it finds a way out. I was worried what would people think of me and worse I felt like a weasel and yet, beside the money, the embarrassment potential and the character cost of not keeping my word there was something deeper to my “mission” to Mexico. This conflict played on my mind. So, I brought my concerns to my men’s group and I brought it up to my wife. (Just the fact I asked for help from anyone is proof enough I have grown in my journey.) My wife’s suggestion was to pray for confirmation about going on the trip. Now why didn’t I think of that? I had forgotten about praying for confirmation.
Confirmation is the idea that a seeming directive from God may or may not be what God really wants you to do. Confirmation is asking God—are you sure you want me to go? So, I prayed, and I asked, and I waited for the answer. I prayed many times. One week, two weeks, three weeks went by and I was no closer to certainty than before and remained in a state of conflict and unsettlement. Note this is not a good sign this is God directed! As I continued to pray, I noticed how my prayer for clarity began to change and become more focused. I was now asking the Holy Spirit if the source of my conflict was me avoiding what I really should be doing, that is, expressing God’s will for me. I asked the Holy Spirit if I was dodging something, I should be doing by going on this trip? I prayed and waited some more.
In the meantime, I had been given an assignment for an evening class I was taking at church to read Acts each week for 5 weeks. So, one night I sat down cracked open the Bible and began to read Acts. It was at Acts 6 I stopped for as I read the words the answer to my prayer became clear! The answer to my prayers revealed itself to me in the words of Peter and The Choosing of the Seven. When all the disciples were gathered Peter said, “brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility (to distribute food to the underserved poor women and orphans) over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.” (Acts 6:3-4 NIV)
The realization for me was Peter saw he needed others to help and do the physical work for widows and orphans while he, Peter, continued to preach the word of God. Peter realized he couldn’t do both and so he enlisted the seven to carry on and lead the food program. My answer came as an “ah-ha” moment where I could see people are called to serve in a variety of ways. For while last year my directive from God was to “show up and serve” the directive given to me this year is to “express the word” in my service. I am directed to bring my experience and to bring the word of God in speaking and writing while I continue in service to Him. The service just looks a little different. When I saw others being recruited to serve in a manner so Peter could continue to solidify his service in bringing the word of God, I was filled with an inner knowing. Namely, “you are not to pick up a hammer but are to bring the word of God.” Plain as the words I had just read I knew the true will of God for me has been revealed! God does not need me to go and tear down a school even though that is a real need which is meaningful, valuable and furthering God’s kingdom on earth. It is a job for others to do. Necessary but not for me.
Immediately I was flooded with a sense of relief and a calmness washed over me. Which is how I know this is a directive from God. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) This is how I know this directive is from God. There is power in action and there is power in certainty. To me this is “proof” the bible is the living word of God. I received my answer in such a profound way is no accident and no coincidence. As the door is opened to such experiences only opens the door for more to come.
I honor my directive to express God’s word in this writing which is to bring His word to a wider audience of believers and non-believers alike. More specifically, to those who are Sitting on The Fence About God. By deciding to seek God on a more meaningful and deeper level, to allow Him to work in your life and to allow the experience to grow into a fulfilling life in service with understanding, gratitude and blessing. Whether you believe or not believe perhaps there is something you don’t know which gets in the way of opening the door. Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. Matthew7:7-8 (NIV)
The Core of Masculinity
The core of masculinity does not derive
a poem by Rumi
from being male,
Nor friendliness from those who console.
Your old grandmother says, “Maybe you shouldn’t
go to school. You look a little pale.”
Run when you hear that.
A father’s stern slaps are better.
Your bodily soul wants comforting.
The severe father wants spiritual clarity.
He scolds but eventually
leads you into the open.
Pray for such an instructor
to hear and act and stay within you.
We have been busy accumulating solace.
Make us afraid of how we were.