mission trip – Serve and Grow

May 11, 2019May 11, 2019

Woe is Me | Letters to Kenya

Letters to Kenya is a series of writings designed in preparation for my upcoming Mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. On a message of love and hope each letter is a story or a sermon perhaps bringing the Word of God to an audience of 25,000 primary and secondary age schoolchildren. Perhaps the Lord will guide me to deliver a message of inspiration.

I went to school for many years. I read lots of books. I read about success, relationships, finances, leadership, management, speaking, writing, how to fix things, travel, biography, poetry, history. All sorts of things. I read them for interest, for entertainment, to learn but really to make me better. To expand my knowledge and to help make me a better dad, husband, leader, speaker, writer, thinker, problem solver, serving the community. Whatever it may be. Fixing the car or the plumbing. I also go to seminars, conferences, retreats for the same reasons….to be better. In other words, to become more competent.

Competence is important to us. We want to be better at what we do. We want to be the expert, the star attraction, the person people come to give advice or to solve their problems. Success has many definitions, but it certainly includes creating, being in demand, putting yourself out there and cashing all the checks! At least it is what we are led or taught to believe. Going to school, reading or going to seminars isn’t that paying the price now in order to reap the benefits later?

I have had a good measure of successes along the way but also failures too. Ups and downs, wins and losses, mistakes and windfalls but my biggest mistake was that I thought I was doing it all. I thought I had the power to be better and that it was a combination of me not knowing something, me not understanding something, my self-doubt, my fear, my self sabotage that led to failure and setbacks. That luck and fate played its hand in direct proportion to my competence. What a delicate balance lies between success and failure. Consequently, I was better and successful when I applied myself, worked harder and doubled down on what I knew to be true and the course of action to be taken. But there was always something missing.

My mistake is that I thought it was about me. That concept comes about from the culture I am raised in and is a concept that is pervasive in many parts of the developed world including Kenya. All of us as individuals are all about ourselves. We are full of ourselves. Collectively we are crowded together as an island of ones…. each to his own as the hippie adage goes. America as a country is divided by the concept of an ever growing and powerful me. We are a country divided by identity with the self. Identity politics, identity economics, identity philosophy that is rooted in a fractured life. Anger, violence, intolerance, chaos, hurt feelings, revenge, tyranny and rage about it all. Each of us living near the next and being alienated and desperately alone. Why? It was not like that always.

I suffered like many suffer from too much me. Its all about me. Or it is all about you, or you, or you or you…and the there is no room for Him. There is no room for God. No room for another. Me is idolatry. Me is a division of the spirit. Me is the darkness that lurks so close by. Of all the books I’ve read there was one book I never read ever. Never picked it up to even thumb through it. That book is the bible.

When I finally picked it up and began to read it like a regular book I was amazed at its richness and its mystery for while I didn’t understand it the narrative was engaging and compelling. I was shocked. There are unforgettable stories I read that were impossible to understand. How intriguing indeed. In reading the bible and talking about it in a bible study I began to see doors of perception open. Understanding began to creep in as I read other translations and studied bible meanings verse by verse. Doors opened, ah-ha moments of awareness experienced and miracle of miracles I began to witness scripture answer my prayers, give me direction and guide my actions. Truly the bible is the living word of God!

Experiencing the supernatural only opens the door to more supernatural which is the experience of God in our lives. I never would have been able to experience a relationship with God if I didn’t obey His Holy Spirit and say yes to bible study, serving, giving thanks, praying and pressing forward in desperate times of doubt and misunderstanding. It is not that I do not understand but that many times I mis-understand Gods will.

Perhaps the greatest gift (of many gifts given) is that this time I am not alone with me. It is not about me. It is about God first, then I follow. This path has led me here to speak to you about the wonders, importance and workings of God in His world with us. It is not our world….it is His. He will lead us through and bring us together with Him to overcome the disease of me. We are to give thanks and praise to Him who provides it all for us. I have His peace; I have His power and I have His leadership and now faithfully bring His word to you as He has directed me.

May 10, 2019May 11, 2019

From Darkness to Light | Letters to Kenya

Thank you for having us and welcoming us to your school and to Kenya. You have a beautiful country and you are all such beautiful people. Your beauty is not only outward but is inward as well. You have heart and you have a spirit that is alive and thriving here. God is alive and well and working in Kenya! I know this because I have seen it with my own eyes on my trip here last year. For you are not only the future of Kenya but the future of the whole world. The entire world needs you.

I come from America. A country that is rich beyond imagination even for me sometimes. But that wealth is only a physical wealth. It only takes care of what is on the outside and does an inadequate job in and of itself for we have many problems in America. Crime, addiction, corruption, fractured identity, disparity to name a few. That wealth left to its own devises grows complacent and weak particularly when problems reach epic proportions and allows doubt and fear to creep in and take hold. Fear will grab you and choke you until your spirit is nothing but a whimper…. a flame gone out. My country right now is a land divided, choking itself with increasing godlessness and self-absorption.

Darkness lurks in my country. Even Jesus said that it is so difficult for the rich to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Darkness creeps in when people think it is by their power only who gives them life. I have come all this way, 12,000 miles or more, by the grace of God and directed by His Holy Spirit to tell you you have light and you have spirit and that you have the God given and God guided ability to turn back darkness. And therefore, the world needs you! For you can bring light not only in your own life, but for your family, for your school, for your city, for your politics, for your leadership, for your country and indeed for the entire world. You have God’s grace with light for the world.

So, I ask you to take care of your light. Pray for it, ask God how you can take care of it and ask God how you are to use it-for God has a plan for you and ask God to always let it shine. Give Him thanks for your light and He will light the way.

April 19, 2019April 19, 2019

The Living Word of God

Several times I have heard people refer to the Bible as “the Living Word of God.” I wondered often what they were talking about and what does The Living Word really mean. I asked myself what were they referring to and more importantly how can I come to experience and believe it as well? For what I sought is a better understanding and knowing what the Living Word of God truly means.

Earlier in my journey I had concluded God speaks to me all the time only it is I who do not hear Him. No doubt a combination of not knowing how to listen, letting my internal noise drown out His words, preconceived ideas about how things work, self-worth and trust and just plain ignorance to name a few! I had no experience with the living word of God I could relate to. Until one day….

I had been in conflict for some weeks over finances which was triggered by two occurrences. The first was the realization that my emergency fund had dipped below my comfort level sending alarms into my psyche. The second was tied to an email I received from our property manager stating the current tenants were moving out in 30 days. This news sent me into a tailspin of woe for the maintenance and occupancy losses surely to come. The emergency fund was below normal due to having $4,000 worth of dangerous trees removed from around our residence the prior month. Money well spent mind you but the one/two punch of those events raised my money ire. I was in conflict.

My reaction, rather instantly, was to pull back, stop all leaks of spending money, restore the fund and save for the worst to come. Strange how quickly the mind goes into protection mode and even stranger still what protection looks like. I felt a sense of panic beginning to bubble underneath. Immediately I found myself asking questions like: do I continue to tithe to the church? Do I stop eating out? Do I stop all home and personal projects? Do I cancel all conferences and trips I would like to take? Do I go on two mission trips with the church this year? What exactly does it mean to put all trust in Jesus? Will I do the right things?

Protection is a good thing mind you. Taking steps necessary to restore what is lost or steps to quell the damage are all good strategies when things turn to more desperate measures. Only this was just a feeling and I was reacting to it. Nothing had really changed in my finances at this point for all I got was news which triggered something in me. It triggered lack, it triggered fear, it triggered finite and it triggered a desire to shut down. Turn off all spending, reel it in, lick my wounds in order to recover for another day. A scenario I have played out many times in my life and when all is said and done has yielded a level of comfort and degree of success. But it is not who I am any longer. For with fear comes isolation, desperation, closing off all people who could help me and retreating into distrust.

Old ways, particularly those triggered by circumstances I now see as suspect. They may have served something before, but they don’t serve me well any longer. It is an immaturity, and, after all, this is about renewal of the mind. My dilemma is this; if I shut down the money and myself it means I would not tithe to the church for a time, cancel the upcoming Mexico and Kenya mission trips and withdraw into my own head. Lone wolf syndrome typical of my past behavior.

On the other hand, I gave my word that I would honor my commitments. Yet my conflict was more than just keeping my word. Make no mistake about it. Keeping my word is very important to me. It is a way I continue to serve; build character and the way I know I am obeying God’s will through the Holy Spirit.

For the Mexico trip I intended to pay out of pocket the $1100 necessary to travel and stay while working. This mission was to help tear down a couple of school classrooms ravaged by flood. While the money was certainly on my radar, I sensed there was more to this than just money. For one I felt ashamed I would be THAT guy who enthusiastically says he will serve on the trip but when it comes down to it finds a way out. I was worried what would people think of me and worse I felt like a weasel and yet, beside the money, the embarrassment potential and the character cost of not keeping my word there was something deeper to my “mission” to Mexico. This conflict played on my mind. So, I brought my concerns to my men’s group and I brought it up to my wife. (Just the fact I asked for help from anyone is proof enough I have grown in my journey.) My wife’s suggestion was to pray for confirmation about going on the trip. Now why didn’t I think of that? I had forgotten about praying for confirmation.

Confirmation is the idea that a seeming directive from God may or may not be what God really wants you to do. Confirmation is asking God—are you sure you want me to go? So, I prayed, and I asked, and I waited for the answer. I prayed many times. One week, two weeks, three weeks went by and I was no closer to certainty than before and remained in a state of conflict and unsettlement. Note this is not a good sign this is God directed! As I continued to pray, I noticed how my prayer for clarity began to change and become more focused. I was now asking the Holy Spirit if the source of my conflict was me avoiding what I really should be doing, that is, expressing God’s will for me. I asked the Holy Spirit if I was dodging something, I should be doing by going on this trip? I prayed and waited some more.

In the meantime, I had been given an assignment for an evening class I was taking at church to read Acts each week for 5 weeks. So, one night I sat down cracked open the Bible and began to read Acts. It was at Acts 6 I stopped for as I read the words the answer to my prayer became clear! The answer to my prayers revealed itself to me in the words of Peter and The Choosing of the Seven. When all the disciples were gathered Peter said, “brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility (to distribute food to the underserved poor women and orphans) over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.” (Acts 6:3-4 NIV)

The realization for me was Peter saw he needed others to help and do the physical work for widows and orphans while he, Peter, continued to preach the word of God. Peter realized he couldn’t do both and so he enlisted the seven to carry on and lead the food program. My answer came as an “ah-ha” moment where I could see people are called to serve in a variety of ways. For while last year my directive from God was to “show up and serve” the directive given to me this year is to “express the word” in my service. I am directed to bring my experience and to bring the word of God in speaking and writing while I continue in service to Him. The service just looks a little different. When I saw others being recruited to serve in a manner so Peter could continue to solidify his service in bringing the word of God, I was filled with an inner knowing. Namely, “you are not to pick up a hammer but are to bring the word of God.” Plain as the words I had just read I knew the true will of God for me has been revealed! God does not need me to go and tear down a school even though that is a real need which is meaningful, valuable and furthering God’s kingdom on earth. It is a job for others to do. Necessary but not for me.

Immediately I was flooded with a sense of relief and a calmness washed over me. Which is how I know this is a directive from God. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) This is how I know this directive is from God. There is power in action and there is power in certainty. To me this is “proof” the bible is the living word of God. I received my answer in such a profound way is no accident and no coincidence. As the door is opened to such experiences only opens the door for more to come.

I honor my directive to express God’s word in this writing which is to bring His word to a wider audience of believers and non-believers alike. More specifically, to those who are Sitting on The Fence About God. By deciding to seek God on a more meaningful and deeper level, to allow Him to work in your life and to allow the experience to grow into a fulfilling life in service with understanding, gratitude and blessing. Whether you believe or not believe perhaps there is something you don’t know which gets in the way of opening the door. Seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. Matthew7:7-8 (NIV)

The Core of Masculinity
The core of masculinity does not derive
from being male,
Nor friendliness from those who console.
Your old grandmother says, “Maybe you shouldn’t
go to school. You look a little pale.”
Run when you hear that.
A father’s stern slaps are better.
Your bodily soul wants comforting.
The severe father wants spiritual clarity.
He scolds but eventually
leads you into the open.
Pray for such an instructor
to hear and act and stay within you.
We have been busy accumulating solace.
Make us afraid of how we were.
a poem by Rumi

April 7, 2019April 7, 2019

Kenya Mission 2019: Help send me to East Africa

Over this last year I have had an amazing opportunity to grow in my faith, serve with a church that is incredibly active in the community, participate in a strong men’s small group, as well as providing volunteer leadership in Empower 225 (a local high-risk youth mentorship program.) I have been amazed with what I have learned and experienced, truly seeing what it means to be walking and living life in a meaningful way with God.

Again, I have been offered an opportunity through Healing Place Church to travel to Kenya to share the love of God with students all over the capitol city. In just one trip, we will be able to visit over 120 schools to share the message of the Gospels with over 35,000 students! I will be joining a team of 20-25 men and women from several churches from around the U.S. in addition to Restoration Ministries (our Kenyan partners) who have blazed the trail ahead of us, coordinating the logistics for this endeavor. In past trips, the group has been able to minister to students of all ages and has seen the Gospel impact many of these students in life altering ways. The trip lasts a total of eleven days. During that time, we will travel to and from Kenya, spend time in the schools and go on a safari as a team.

I am asking for your help to raise the $3500 needed to go! I would love if you would consider supporting me either through making a direct donation to the trip or by praying for the success for the purpose of the trip. Whether you choose to give or pray, I consider you a part of advancing the word of God and helping me realize my full potential in bringing a message of hope and a way to achievement.

If you would like to contribute you can contact me directly for more information, or if you would like to contribute online, please use either….

I am grateful for any way you would choose to support me in this endeavor, and I am excited and expectant for what God is going to do on this trip!

February 6, 2019February 7, 2019

Get Off the Fence

How fitting to begin this blog “Get Off the Fence” a couple of days into the new year 2019. Not only is it new beginnings, new adventure but it’s to continue work that has already begun in the year just past. 2018 was an extraordinary year for me. A year of rapid and intense growth particularly in the inner and spiritual side of me. Not only have I come to a better understanding of how God works in the world but I have come to understand the meaning of cultivating a personal relationship with Him and His Holy Spirit. His Spirit speaks to me, His word as I read it in the bible speaks to me, the message of pastors speak to me and my inner wisdom speaks to me. All of this is a gift that is being given. That may seem to some a lot of chatter going on yet the realizations I have that those messages are being spoken to me and are meant for me directly, well it seems that they are being doled out as needed. As God needs to dole them out. Many times I have had the thought that these ah-ha moments, or coincidences or synchronous events that may seem random and by chance are really being revealed to me in a planned way. I can only conclude from experience that really this is part of God’s plan for me. These events happen way too frequently to be anything but God’s work.

That I am a better person for this experience is unquestionable. Not only is reading the bible a daily regimen but I pray to God and His Holy spirit where I ask for clarity, understanding, strength, influence for myself as well as well being for others to highlight a few. Not lost on me is the gratitude I feel in my heart that I am being taken care of, that God listens to me, He guides me and answers my prayers!

In this past year I have been blessed with the knowledge that praying, showing up and waiting are key to hearing the word of God either directly or through others. I think that God speaks all the time yet it is I who do not hear His word. I do my best to listen and obey His direction knowing that taking action is required. The feeling of well being, meaning, fulfilling purpose, competence, strength and inner calmness is directly tied to acknowledging His presence in my life. I am no longer an outsider looking in.

The road this has taken for me includes serving Healing Place the church I attend in a variety of needed ways. In 2018 I completed year 1 night school classes, getting baptized in April, going on a mission trip in June to Kenya, bringing a message of hope and love, and another trip to Panama City, Florida for hurricane relief, joining a small group, attending Men’s Night programs monthly, reading the bible, praying and completing a years program in Man Camp, a men’s success and support group. That I show up to allow Gods work to be revealed is many times all I have to go on. If I let all the times I was confused or did not understand or doubt what was going on get in the way I would not have walked the walk I am walking. With the strength and hope that God gives I have the courage to not take no for an answer and to be patient to listen to the answer God will give. These are all things I would never have accomplished left to my own devises. I would have given up long ago as I caved in to feelings of inadequacy, low self worth, or not fitting in or feeling I am not being understood. My default belief is being the outcast or the lone wolf as I so readily identify. My relationships across the board are better today than they have ever been. My relationship with myself has shown me just how complex and convoluted my beliefs, values and fears really are. Uncovering what makes me tick is indeed a most interesting endeavor. Most profoundly changed is my relationship with my wife as I have opened the door to a more genuine and authentic man than I have ever been. My relationships at work have improved, my relationships with others has improved and my contributions, insights and creativity in helping others has all been enhanced to a level I have never experienced. That the Holy Spirit, the advocate who works on our behalf, is the guiding force that creates awareness of God’s purpose for us is the source of my inner intuition is an amazing realization. That I am in awe of it all is understated. All due to being more present, more grateful, more mindful and more willing. Each time as the reveals have been realized I am given an understanding about God’s grace, how He works in me and in the world, His unique plan for me and how to reconnect with His Spirit in moments of doubt and fear. Reassured is how I feel that, no matter, God will find a way.

Early on I made a decision. I decided that there are a lot of things I know nothing about. I asked myself what makes me think that I can dismiss the bible as just a bunch of old stories? It has been around in written form for thousands of years and who knows how long as spoken before that! What makes me think the bible has nothing to teach me? I decided to join a small group men’s bible study where I asked an incessant amount of questions in the presence of men who have first hand experience with Gods work. I decided to show up and to tell the truth no matter what. I decided to not take no for an answer as I prayed for insights and answers and understanding. That the door has been opened just as Jesus said it would “knock and the door will open, seek and the answers will be given” is unquestionably His grace and blessing living in the world. I decided that I would not let preconceived ideas get in the way of my experience, my thoughts and my perception of reality and my understanding of God. That I consciously made these decisions has led me to today where I experience a richness, fullness and an awareness to being on a road to a truly meaningful life.

That I made these decisions got me off the fence. The presumptions I made about the world, God, my purpose, my limiting beliefs, my acceptance of who I am, my relationship to other people was me sitting on the fence. Uncomfortable with the way things were I never the less doubled down on my understanding as I saw it, convictions as I lived them and a longing dis-satisfaction underlying life as I experienced it. Relationships not quite there, thinking I am smarter than I really am, insecure to the point of not asking for help….ever, thinking I should know how to conduct my relationships, finances and manage fears and doubts. Never feeling competent and useful.

If anything, I am driven to help people learn to develop a relationship with God. That there was a decision to be made by me to begin this journey was clear from the very beginning. Despite my experience with church growing up Catholic as a kid, making a decision about God now as a man in his mid-sixties was not rational, clear, or on purpose. Nothing will get you out of your comfort zone faster than this type of journey. Without question, many times I was confused and out of my element. Deciding to patiently stay in that uncomfortable state led to spiritual discipline which allows new experiences to unfold.

My mission is to encourage you to make a decision of your own, even if it is uncomfortable; even if your decision flies in the face of pre-conceived ideas. What I see and experience is a renewal of the mind and therefore a renewal of your life. If you allow yourself to be patient and to wait, then most assuredly the answers will come. I believe this is the way of this journey: it’s the foundation of the faith I now have in my own experience and what I believe is possible for you. I encourage you to take a “Leap of Faith”, make a decision about God and once and for all Get Off the Fence.