A Magnolia tree blooms in magnificent glory to signal the coming of Spring. The burst of blooms also indicates and demonstrates the good living, patience, process and all the care that goes unseen into displaying such a beautiful sight! Much goes on unseen, underground and in silence. It got me thinking that I am much like the tree in Spring (or at least I want to be like the tree) as I flit from thing to thing saying, “look at me, look at how well I am doing” and I say to myself, “look at how good I feel.” It is a prop up of my ego whether at work, at home, at church or even with my own thoughts. Wearing a mask that never shows doubt, fear, uncertainty and loneliness that also lives side by side with all the good stuff. Like a Magnolia tree in its Spring bloom. Never going down like the tree for the rest of the year when it is just a tree! How boring, how incompetent, how YOU tree have settled for less! How I find it so difficult to lick my wounds, admit I even have them, ask for help and let others in and never truly growing nor understanding in a new way. For years I thought that by doubling down on my effort, to work harder, that I would overcome my inadequacies and launch myself into a perpetual Spring Bloom! All I did is push people away, isolate and ultimately double down on losing. OUCH.
So, what is down there? What is so frightening about going down there? Well, what’s down there is humility, gratitude and honesty. The tree has those qualities and has a connection that is second nature to its glory. THE TREE KNOWS. It knows that in order to grow it must renew—all the time. That this process is happening to me right under my gaze is amazing. Oh, the things I don’t know!
The connection to tree and my life is this. It happened with a discussion with my wife that went array. Realizing that I haven’t been able to support my wife in the way she wants and needs from me and even in the manner she supports me is quite devastating. A blow to the thought I had that I could and should be able to give her what she needs. The thought that I as husband should have the answer is just another shiny thing—an inflated concept of myself that is not true. At the time it felt so devastating and dark and final. Is this then the end? Will I never overcome such a put down?
No, no, no. This is about renewal. Things will never be the same. It may look and feel familiar but now I have tools, spiritual tools to rightly address any and all concerns. For one, I could tell the truth and then do those things that will make it better. I am compelled to tell of my struggles to take off the masks (even from myself) as well as talk about the touch of glory I have felt along the way. This is a process much like the life of a great magnolia tree. That I plod on and show up is precisely how changes occur. Plodding on…. isn’t that renewal? That I am compelled to tell of my struggles, ask for help, take soulful and directed action in order to feel the pain as well as the well-being and knowing, really knowing on a deep level, that I am on the right path. That this is possible for me I know it is possible for you.
That’s God’s plan working and in action for me. I am in good hands. How do I know I am in good hands? In good hands there is power. I have power and that is proof. Here are the 15 concepts the power offers me toward renewal. Each of the following have been a significant rock for me to land on. In times of trouble, self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, laziness, fatigue, not understanding or not getting it one or more of these has brought me back. For these you see are the tools I use. These are part of the Spiritual tool box I have that I believe are Holy Spirit given tools, an arsenal to use wisely and graciously with determination. That the advocate who works on my behalf…. the Holy Spirit…. gives these freely is indeed a blessing and proof that God has my back. What is in your Spiritual toolbox?
15 Spiritual Tools (with more to come…)
- God has my back
- Show up
- God will meet me where I am
- Serve
- Listen
- Obey
- Ask
- Gratitude
- Get out of my own way
- Prayer
- Character
- Trust
- Act like I believe
- Renewal of the mind
- Patience
Reflection: A Land Not Mine
A land not mine, still forever memorable
The waters of its ocean chill and fresh,
Sand on the bottom whiter than chalk.
And the air drunk like wine.
Sunset in the ethereal waves
Late sun lays bare the rosy limbs of the pine trees.
I cannot tell if the day is ending or the world,
Or if the secret of secrets is upon me again.
~Anna Akhmatova