Here are some thoughts on the year just passed. If the overarching theme of 2018 was “Renewal” as in a renewal of my mind the action words toward that renewal was undoubtedly “Showing Up.” I showed up to lots of things I would not have normally attended, such as, going to church regularly (Healing Place Church in Baton Rouge, LA), weekly small group bible study, mission trips, completing year 1-night school, daily prayer, daily bible reading and service opportunities to name a few. Many times, I did not want to go but persist I did knowing at the end of the day, or week or year, for that matter, I would learn something I did not know. Indeed, I am blessed by the grace of God to be guided by His Holy Spirit to press on and show up. By showing up I obey the Holy Spirit, the advocate who works on our behalf. By showing up and learning something I not only change my experiences, but they change my perspective and therefore change my reality. If that is not renewal of the mind, I don’t know what is!
For now, I have changed a habit, the habit of not hearing and not obeying and replaced it with a new one. Again, it is renewal for this is a new habit that is more receptive to hearing God’s word. Many times, I wonder if I can hear God talking to me at all, I have those doubts, yet I see in my experience that God speaks always and constantly. It is I who need to hear better! It is something I ask for in my prayers…to hear better. I do my best to listen for God speaks in so many ways! From a direct command to a hunch is how God’s will be done. So, in thinking about how I got here and reflecting on 2018, if renewal of my mind was the directive then certainly by showing up- taking action got me here. To me it looks something like this….
If I read the word, if I understand the word, if I live in the word and by the word asking how the word affects me today then I live in His Spirit. If I live in His Spirit, then I most certainly live in a new life- a life of renewal. All this just as He promised! Knock and the door will be opened, seek and you shall find. (Matthew 7:7 and Luke 11:9.)
Hmmm, God keeps His promises! If I have eyes to see and ears to hear I can be guided by His Spirit, renew my mind and carry out His will. His specific and unique plan for me.
2019 opens with “expression” as the theme. I am being
directed by His Spirit to tell my story and my experiences that led me this
door, a door called Get Off the Fence. It is not for adoration, status or
riches but simply to unravel my expression muscle and to follow that directive
whatever it may look like. I once had a
track coach who taught that practice does not make perfect. But that perfect
practice makes perfect! A more perfect outcome.
Perhaps it is for influence for I pray for influence as well. I may reach one person total or reach that one
person who can then reach millions more for God’s plan is convoluted, mysterious
and surprising. Perhaps I will never know the full outcome. In the meantime, just being part in this play
is its own reward.
Certain I am that I am on the right path for the power,
creativity, fulfilling, meaningful and exciting feelings have revealed an
underlying current of confidence and well-being and peace. That is how I know
this is from God.
QUIETNESS Inside this new love, die. Your way begins on the other side. Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape. Walk out like someone suddenly born into color. Do it now. You’re covered with thick cloud. Slide out the side. Die, and be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign that you have died. Your old life was a frantic running from silence. The speechless full moon comes out now.
How fitting to begin this blog “Get Off the Fence” a couple of days into the new year 2019. Not only is it new beginnings, new adventure but it’s to continue work that has already begun in the year just past. 2018 was an extraordinary year for me. A year of rapid and intense growth particularly in the inner and spiritual side of me. Not only have I come to a better understanding of how God works in the world but I have come to understand the meaning of cultivating a personal relationship with Him and His Holy Spirit. His Spirit speaks to me, His word as I read it in the bible speaks to me, the message of pastors speak to me and my inner wisdom speaks to me. All of this is a gift that is being given. That may seem to some a lot of chatter going on yet the realizations I have that those messages are being spoken to me and are meant for me directly, well it seems that they are being doled out as needed. As God needs to dole them out. Many times I have had the thought that these ah-ha moments, or coincidences or synchronous events that may seem random and by chance are really being revealed to me in a planned way. I can only conclude from experience that really this is part of God’s plan for me. These events happen way too frequently to be anything but God’s work.
That I am a better person for this experience is
unquestionable. Not only is reading the bible a daily regimen but I pray to God
and His Holy spirit where I ask for clarity, understanding, strength, influence
for myself as well as well being for others to highlight a few. Not lost on me
is the gratitude I feel in my heart that I am being taken care of, that God
listens to me, He guides me and answers my prayers!
In this past year I have been blessed with the knowledge
that praying, showing up and waiting are key to hearing the word of God either
directly or through others. I think that God speaks all the time yet it is I
who do not hear His word. I do my best to listen and obey His direction knowing
that taking action is required. The feeling of well being, meaning, fulfilling
purpose, competence, strength and inner calmness is directly tied to acknowledging
His presence in my life. I am no longer an outsider looking in.
The road this has taken for me includes serving Healing Place the church I
attend in a variety of needed ways. In 2018 I completed year 1 night school
classes, getting baptized in April, going on a mission trip in June to Kenya,
bringing a message of hope and love, and another trip to Panama City, Florida
for hurricane relief, joining a small group, attending Men’s Night programs
monthly, reading the bible, praying and completing a years program in Man Camp,
a men’s success and support group. That
I show up to allow Gods work to be revealed is many times all I have to go
on. If I let all the times I was
confused or did not understand or doubt what was going on get in the way I
would not have walked the walk I am walking. With the strength and hope that
God gives I have the courage to not take no for an answer and to be patient to
listen to the answer God will give. These are all things I would never have
accomplished left to my own devises. I would have given up long ago as I caved
in to feelings of inadequacy, low self worth, or not fitting in or feeling I am
not being understood. My default belief is being the outcast or the lone wolf
as I so readily identify. My
relationships across the board are better today than they have ever been. My
relationship with myself has shown me just how complex and convoluted my
beliefs, values and fears really are. Uncovering what makes me tick is indeed a
most interesting endeavor. Most profoundly changed is my relationship with my wife as I have
opened the door to a more genuine and authentic man than I have ever been. My relationships at work
have improved, my relationships with others has improved and my contributions,
insights and creativity in helping others has all been enhanced to a level I
have never experienced. That the Holy Spirit, the advocate who works on our
behalf, is the guiding force that creates awareness of God’s purpose for us is
the source of my inner intuition is an amazing realization. That I am in awe of
it all is understated. All due to being more
present, more grateful, more mindful and more willing. Each time as the reveals have been realized I
am given an understanding about God’s grace, how He works in me and in the
world, His unique plan for me and how to reconnect with His Spirit in moments
of doubt and fear. Reassured is how I feel
that, no matter, God will find a way.
Early on I made a decision. I decided that there are a lot
of things I know nothing about. I asked myself what makes me think that I can
dismiss the bible as just a bunch of old stories? It has been around in written
form for thousands of years and who knows how long as spoken before that! What
makes me think the bible has nothing to teach me? I decided to join a small
group men’s bible study where I asked an incessant amount of questions in the
presence of men who have first hand experience with Gods work. I decided to
show up and to tell the truth no matter what. I decided to not take no for an
answer as I prayed for insights and answers and understanding. That the door has been opened just as Jesus
said it would “knock and the door will open, seek and the answers will be given” is unquestionably His grace and
blessing living in the world. I decided
that I would not let preconceived ideas get in the way of my experience, my
thoughts and my perception of reality and my understanding of God. That I consciously made these decisions has
led me to today where I experience a richness, fullness and an awareness to
being on a road to a truly meaningful life.
That I made these decisions got me off the fence. The
presumptions I made about the world, God, my purpose, my limiting beliefs, my
acceptance of who I am, my relationship to other people was me sitting on the
fence. Uncomfortable with the way things were I never the less doubled down on
my understanding as I saw it, convictions as I lived them and a longing
dis-satisfaction underlying life as I experienced it. Relationships not quite
there, thinking I am smarter than I really am, insecure to the point of not
asking for help….ever, thinking I should know how to conduct my relationships,
finances and manage fears and doubts. Never feeling competent and useful.
If anything, I am driven to help people learn to develop a
relationship with God. That there was a decision to be made by me to begin this
journey was clear from the very beginning. Despite my experience with church
growing up Catholic as a kid, making a decision about God now as a man in his mid-sixties
was not rational, clear, or on purpose. Nothing will get you out of your
comfort zone faster than this type of journey. Without question, many times I was confused and out of my element. Deciding to patiently stay in that uncomfortable state led to spiritual discipline
which allows new experiences to unfold.
My mission is to encourage you to make a decision of your
own, even if it is uncomfortable; even if your decision flies in the face of
pre-conceived ideas. What I see and experience is a renewal of the mind and therefore
a renewal of your life. If you allow yourself to be patient and to wait, then
most assuredly the answers will come. I believe this is the way of this
journey: it’s the foundation of the faith I now have in my own experience and
what I believe is possible for you. I encourage you to take a “Leap of Faith”,
make a decision about God and once and for all Get Off the Fence.
