Letters to Kenya is a series of writings designed in preparation for my upcoming Mission trip to Nairobi, Kenya. On a message of love and hope each letter is a story or a sermon perhaps bringing the Word of God to an audience of 25,000 primary and secondary age schoolchildren. Perhaps the Lord will guide me to deliver a message of inspiration.
I went to school for many years. I read lots of books. I read about success, relationships, finances, leadership, management, speaking, writing, how to fix things, travel, biography, poetry, history. All sorts of things. I read them for interest, for entertainment, to learn but really to make me better. To expand my knowledge and to help make me a better dad, husband, leader, speaker, writer, thinker, problem solver, serving the community. Whatever it may be. Fixing the car or the plumbing. I also go to seminars, conferences, retreats for the same reasons….to be better. In other words, to become more competent.
Competence is important to us. We want to be better at what we do. We want to be the expert, the star attraction, the person people come to give advice or to solve their problems. Success has many definitions, but it certainly includes creating, being in demand, putting yourself out there and cashing all the checks! At least it is what we are led or taught to believe. Going to school, reading or going to seminars isn’t that paying the price now in order to reap the benefits later?
I have had a good measure of successes along the way but also failures too. Ups and downs, wins and losses, mistakes and windfalls but my biggest mistake was that I thought I was doing it all. I thought I had the power to be better and that it was a combination of me not knowing something, me not understanding something, my self-doubt, my fear, my self sabotage that led to failure and setbacks. That luck and fate played its hand in direct proportion to my competence. What a delicate balance lies between success and failure. Consequently, I was better and successful when I applied myself, worked harder and doubled down on what I knew to be true and the course of action to be taken. But there was always something missing.
My mistake is that I thought it was about me. That concept comes about from the culture I am raised in and is a concept that is pervasive in many parts of the developed world including Kenya. All of us as individuals are all about ourselves. We are full of ourselves. Collectively we are crowded together as an island of ones…. each to his own as the hippie adage goes. America as a country is divided by the concept of an ever growing and powerful me. We are a country divided by identity with the self. Identity politics, identity economics, identity philosophy that is rooted in a fractured life. Anger, violence, intolerance, chaos, hurt feelings, revenge, tyranny and rage about it all. Each of us living near the next and being alienated and desperately alone. Why? It was not like that always.
I suffered like many suffer from too much me. Its all about me. Or it is all about you, or you, or you or you…and the there is no room for Him. There is no room for God. No room for another. Me is idolatry. Me is a division of the spirit. Me is the darkness that lurks so close by. Of all the books I’ve read there was one book I never read ever. Never picked it up to even thumb through it. That book is the bible.
When I finally picked it up and began to read it like a regular book I was amazed at its richness and its mystery for while I didn’t understand it the narrative was engaging and compelling. I was shocked. There are unforgettable stories I read that were impossible to understand. How intriguing indeed. In reading the bible and talking about it in a bible study I began to see doors of perception open. Understanding began to creep in as I read other translations and studied bible meanings verse by verse. Doors opened, ah-ha moments of awareness experienced and miracle of miracles I began to witness scripture answer my prayers, give me direction and guide my actions. Truly the bible is the living word of God!
Experiencing the supernatural only opens the door to more supernatural which is the experience of God in our lives. I never would have been able to experience a relationship with God if I didn’t obey His Holy Spirit and say yes to bible study, serving, giving thanks, praying and pressing forward in desperate times of doubt and misunderstanding. It is not that I do not understand but that many times I mis-understand Gods will.
Perhaps the greatest gift (of many gifts given) is that this time I am not alone with me. It is not about me. It is about God first, then I follow. This path has led me here to speak to you about the wonders, importance and workings of God in His world with us. It is not our world….it is His. He will lead us through and bring us together with Him to overcome the disease of me. We are to give thanks and praise to Him who provides it all for us. I have His peace; I have His power and I have His leadership and now faithfully bring His word to you as He has directed me.